Disappointment (kills)

I have finally felt disappointment~
as a biproduct of my own insanity
As well as I have been taught
I forgot all of my home training
and ran with devil for a night,
and a day and a week...
And I don't know what made me run
away.
I finally feel hated... finally.
I finally feel like I've crushed
every dream, and every aspiration
and every goal in my life.
I finally have felt suicide, as an option
(it's a good thing I'm a coward)
How do you start over, when the drama
isn't over? I ran with the devil
but I'm still running as I type
I can't stop the pressure...
how can I win the fight?
I finally have felt suicide
beyond the corridors of my mind
I feel my organs bleeding internally
within me. I feel my heart tearing
How insensitive the world can be,
how I stand alone~ no friends, no allies
just Americans acting on their own
One night I ran with the devil
the demons that lurk in my mind
sixteen years I have been hunted
but on January 9th they did find
One night I ran with despair
not believing in reality
now I'm living a nightmare
destroying my life with every thought,
I apologize indirectly although many will never read...

Disappointment is so much stronger than anger.

Such despair I can not utter truths, thus I will not try.